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THE 

BAT AND 

THE BALL 



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THE 

BAT AND THE BALL 

OR 

NEGATIVE EVIDENCE 
^ ■g^Kc^ in; ®ue Juct 



BY 

THE AUTHOR OF ««A READY MADE SUIT' 



/ 






BOSTON 

1889 



'8^3i? 



TON. 






CHARACTERS. 

COLLODION FILM A photographer 

GEORGE GIRLYGIRL His assistant 

STEELE PENN A journalist 

CHUMP . . . In charge of the coat room at the Policemeii's Ball 

MRS. COLLODION FILM. 

MRS. STEELE PENN. 

MISS GUNNE-COTTON Film's wife's sister 

Time, early morning. 




Copyright, 1889, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. 



Scene. — A photographer's studio. Door R. in flat, to lock. 
Large window L., in flat, bearing the legend, " Film, Artist 
Photographer,^' in Sarony script style. Doors i e. L., i e. 
R., aftd 2 E. R. A large camera, i.. facing R. Chair and 
head-rest, R. facing camera. A few nails or clothes-hooks, 
C. in flat. Curtain rises on an empty stage. The rat- 
tling of a key is heard in D. R. /« flat, which opens arid 
admits GiRLYGiRL, who locks it and runs to window. 
He wears a dress suit, somewhat disordered, but is with- 
out overcoat or hat. 

GiRLYGiRL {looking out of window'). Not in sight yet. 
No, 1 had too good a start. {Down c.) After a delightful 
evening at the Policeman's Ball — the more enjoyable be- 
cause strictly on the quiet — I was crowding my way to the 
coat-room, when whom should I see but my respected em- 
ployer, Mr. Film, who probably thought me, as^ I certainly 
had imagined him, at home and in bed ! I had just time to 
dive between the legs of the man behind me, and, unnoticed 
by him, to gain the street, coatless, hatless, but not altogether 
bootless, thanks to the obliging gentleman who kicked me 
downstairs for running against him. Brr ! wasn't it cold, 
though ; for this piece of pasteboard {producing coat-check), 
though the equivalent of a coat, a hat, and an umbrella, was 
a precious poor protection against the weather. But I haven't 
a minute to lose. Old Film can't be far behind me, and if he 
catches me in these togs, good-by to my reputation as a 
steady young man and a desirable partner in the business. 
{Key heard in door.) By Christmas! here he is now. 
{Exit 2 E. R. hastily^ 

{As 7. E. R. closes Film cautiously opens D. in flat. He 
wears a loud ulster considerably too large for hi?n, and a 
hat which comes down over his ears.) 
S 



6 THE BAT AND THE BALL. . 

Film {closes door without locking it, and comes down c). 
Home again. At least, the floor has a rather familiar look — 
I can't see very much else. {Removes hat with some diffi- 
culty.) Yes, I am at home, though I never felt less so in 
my life. I wonder whose hat and coat I have got. I won- 
der if he — whoever he is — has got my coat and hat, and, if 
so, how he likes it. I hope he feels more pleasantly toward 
me than I do toward him, because I infer that he is a larger 
man than I {business with coat), and that, should we meet, 
the consequences might be unpleasant for me. But never 
mind ! I have had a good time. At least, that is what I 
went for, so I suppose I must have had it. I haven't got any 
of it left, at any rate. Oh, my head ! I wonder if they all 
enjoyed it as much as I did. {Holding head.) I hope not. 
But now for a nap, if I can get upstairs without waking 
Mrs. F. {Takes off boots and exit cautiously., 2 e. r.) 
{As 2 E. R. closes, Mrs. Penn enters by d. inffat.) 

Mrs. Penn. I certainly saw him come in here — there 
can be no mistake. Ah, Mr. Penn, little did I dream, when 
I implored you not to buy that ridiculous ulster, what a ser- 
vice it was destined to render me. But what can he be 
doing here at this early hour.? What is this place? Evi- 
dently not the editorial rooms of the Morning Reveille, where, 
I was given to understand, Mr. Penn proposed to pass a 
night of toil. Ah, some one is coming. {To r.) 

Girlygirl {enters 2 e, r. wearing a linen duster over his 
evening dress). By Christmas, I'd no idea it was so late. 
Before I had a chance to undress that old humbug Film 
rapped at my door and asked me if it wasn't about time to 
get up and open the gallery. Said he had been sitting up all 
night with a sick friend and shouldn't be down till late. Oh, 
my! what a headache Fve got, and how sleepy I am! I feel 
as if I were walking about in a dream ; only if I were 
walking about in a dream, I should be snug in bed. ( Yawns.) 
Oh, dear! {Sees Mrs. P.) Hallo ! {At c.) 

Mrs. p. Do you have charge of this place, young man ? 

GiRLY. Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. p. a man entered this house a few minutes ago — 
a man wearing an ulster and a silk hat. 

GiRLY. Yes, I — 

Mrs. p. Don't say it was you. 

GiRLY. I wasn't going to. 

Mrs. p. Yes, you were. 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. J 

GiRLY. No, I wasn't. {Aside.) The ulster and hat 
don't answer my description at all. 

Mrs. p. You know this man, don't you ? 

GiRLY. Yes, ma'am. {Aside.) I wonder if this is Film's 
sick friend. 

Mrs. p. I want to see him. 

GiRLY. Have you an appointment ? 

Mrs. p. An appointment ! 

GiRLY. Perhaps you are the young lady who has the ap- 
pointment at nine o'clock. Miss Montmorency, from the 
theatre. 

Mrs. p. He has an appointment here with an actress, 
has he ! {Aside.) The villain ! {Aloud.) Does he often 
make these appointments with young ladies — young, pretty 
ladies ? 

GiRLY. Oh, yes, young or old; it's all one to him. He 
ain't particular. 

Mrs. P. {aside). The monster ! 

GiRLY. Have I the pleasure of addressing Miss Montmo- 
rency ? 

Mrs. P. No, sir, you have not. 

GiRLY. I beg your pardon. But, never mind, we shall 
have plenty of time to take care of you before she comes. 

Mrs. p. Take care of me ? 

GiRLY. Yes — your photograph, you know. And if Miss 
Montmorency should come, I dare say she wouldn't mind 
giving way to you under the circumstances. 

Mrs. p. I should think not, indeed. {Aside, looking 
around the room.) A photographer's saloon. I'll have my 
picture taken. An excellent pretext for waiting. I'll catch 
him in the act. 

GiRLY. {going to I E. R.). If you will step into this room 
you will find all the conveniences for making your toilet, 
and — 

Mrs. p. I'm very well as I am. 

GiRLY. Quite right, ma'am. *' Nature, when unadorned," 
and all that. You have the right idea, I see. {Goes to chair, 
R.) Please have the goodness to sit here. What do you 
want, now ? 

Mrs. P. {absently). Revenge! {Sits ^:) 

GiRLY. Well, now, ma'am, we can give you almost any 
other style but that. We take a very superior cabinet at four 
dollars a dozen, or — 



8 THE BAT AND THE BALL. 

Mrs. P. Very. well, let it be that. 

GiRLY. Would you like a full view or a three-quarters ? 

Mrs. p. {7'ising). A full view, by all means. The fuller 
the better. 

Girly. Certainly. Please be seated. (Mrs. P. sits^ 
Place your head in the rest. So. Chin well forward. So. 
Good. Let the hands rest idly in the lap. Now, please fix 
your eyes upon yonder spot, and assume an agreeable expres- 
sion of countenance. Good. Remain perfectly quiet now. 
{Goes to caine7'a L. and puts his head beneath cloth j business 
a la photographer. Mrs. V I' % face gradually assumes a low- 
ering, a7igry expression.') Perfect. Retain that expression for 
one moment, please. {Covers tube of camerUy and exit i 

E. L.) 

Mrs. p. {rising). So this is his trysting-place, is it ? 
Very ingenious indeed, Mr. Penn. But I'll — hark ! (Mrs. 
Film a7id Mlss Gunne- Cotton heard outside.) Women's 
voices I Miss Montmorency ! They must not see me yet. 
Where can I hide ? Ah, the waiting-room. I'llgive them a 
surprise. {Exit i E. R. as enter 2 E. R. Mrs. F. a7id MisS 
G. C.) 

Miss GuNNE-CoiTON. Why, there's nobody here. 

Mrs. F. I suppose George hasn't got down yet. 

Miss G. C. Where is Mr. Film ? 

Mrs. F. Oh, Cully has been watching with a sick friend 
all night, and has lain down to snatch a Httle nap. (Miss G. 
C. laughs.) Oh, you needn't laugh ; he often does it. He 
is a Mason, you know, and they have to swear a dreadful 
oath when they go in that they will sit up with a brother 
Mason whenever he is ill. 

Miss G. C. Oh, if he has been sitting up with a Mason, 
that explains it. 

Mrs. F. Explains what ? 

Miss G. C. Why, his bringing home a bit of a brick in 
his hat. {Down R.) 

Mrs. F. Oh, not that kind of a mason — a Freemason. 
Ah, Fannie, wait until you are married to George, and you 
will understand these things better. {At C.) 

Miss G. C. {crossing to catnera). Oh, I understand them 
pretty well now. But let's have some fun, Carrie. Sit down, 
and I'll take your picture. 

Mrs. F. Oh, vou mustn't touch the camera. {To R.) 

Miss G. C. Why not? It won't explode, will it? I'll 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. Q 

tell you what weUl do — we'll be taken in a group. Wait a 
minute. {^She rn7is 02it at 2 e. r. and returns with the 
ulster and hat which Film wore home.) I'll be the rustic 
lover, and you his blushing sweetheart. {Flitting o?i coat 
and hat.') I think I can look almost as awkward and .un- 
comfortable in these garments as my original usually does in 
his. There, how is that ? {Dow7i c.) 

Mrs. F. How ridiculous you are. 

Miss G. C. If that's the case, I shall look the part to the 
life. {Goes r. and seats herself in chair.) Now, my dear, 
if you will kindly sit on my knee, and endeavor to look as 
foolish as possible, the group will be complete. 

Mrs. F. How absurd ! What if any one were to come in ? 

Miss G. C. {pulling her down). Come, Cad, make a 
fool of yourself for once, and don't let your husband be always 
doing it for you. There ! {She cocks her hat over one eye, 
and both assume one of those charactej'istic groupings of 
which cheap photography furnishes so fnany examples.) 
Now if the old camera were only working ! (Girlygirl 
enters i e. l., carrying a photographic plate-holder and 
places it in the camera withotit looking toward his sitters. 
Aside.) This is deHcious. He is going to take the 
picture. 

Mrs. F. {low voice). He doesn't see us. I don't under- 
stand. 

Miss G. C {sa77ie tojie). Neither do I, but I don't care. 
Don't say a word or move. 

Mrs. F. {trying not to laugh). No. Isn't it fun ? 

Miss G. C. Immense. Don't laugh. 

Mrs. F. I can't help it. {Business of suppressing laugh- 
ter). 

GiRLY. {who, during the above dialogue, has busied him- 
self about the instrument, 7tow places his hand 071 the cap of 
the ca77tera tube and takes out his watch). Now, ma'am, 
please remain perfectly quiet for a few seconds. {Fakes off 
the cap with a flourish and stands looki7ig at his watch. 
Mrs. F. aftd Miss G. C. during the pause which follows 
compose the7nselves only with the greatest difficulty. Finally 
Girlygirl replaces cap.) That will do, thank you. ( Fakes 
out plate-holder a7id exit i e. l. without havi7ig 07ice looked 
toward the ladies. As he goes out they rise a7id laugh heartily^ 
suddenly check i7tg the77iselves «j-.Mrs. P. ope7is i E. R.) 

Mrs. p. Hark ! 



lO THE BAT AND THE BALL. 

Miss G. C There's some one in the waiting-room. 
{^Both go up to 2 E. R. on tiptoe^ 

Mrs. p. {looking out at door). I haven't heard a sound, 
and the keyhole is stopped up. They must have gone out. 
{Gets a gli7ftpse of Mrs. F. and Miss G. C) Ah ! 
{Screa7ns.) 

(Mrs. F. and her companion exeunt hastily, 2 E. r.) 

Mrs. P. (toe). That coat! I should know it anywhere. 
No wonder they were so quiet — no wonder I heard nothing. 
Oh, that I should live to see him hugging another woman 
before my face and eyes ! Pll tear her eyes out. {Exit 2 E. 
R. As she does so door in flat opens.) 

Penn {enters door in flat, weai-ijig an overcoat and hat 
much too small for him). Ah, there! No one about.'' 
That's bad, for Pm in something of a hurry. I must get 
home in time to breakfast with Mrs. Penn, or there'll be the 
devil to pay ; and I can't go home until I have found the 
man who took my coat and hat at the Police Ball and left me 
these very inadequate articles in their place. This is the ad- 
dress that was given me, but there doesn't seem to be any one 
in. Let me see if I can't raise somebody. {Goes to 2 e. r. 
and is about to knock when Mrs. P. opens door a7id enters 
with his ulster 07i her ar77i.) 

Penn (hastily butto7ii7tg his tight overcoat to co7iceal his 
dress suit). The deuce ! My wife ! 

Mrs. p. Ah, you didn't expect to see me here, Mr. 
Penn .? 

Penn. Why, no, my dear. I — the fact is — well, you 
may not have noticed it, but you rather took me by sur- 
prise. 

Mrs. p. Oh, did I ? 

Penn. Yes, you see I was thinking of you as I came 
along on my way from the office, and of what a dear little 
woman you were, you know — 

Mrs. p. Oh, you were thinking of that, were you ? 

Penn. Yes, my love. And all of a sudden I says to my- 
self, " Bless her heart, I know what Pll do, Pll just give her 
a little surprise and buy her a " — (Aside.) I wonder what 
the devil they keep here. (Looks about.) 

Mrs. p. Oh, you says to yourself, Pll buy her a — well. 

Penn. No, my love, not a well, but a — a photograph of 
myself; just for a keepsake, "you know. 

Mrs. p. Oh, thank you, Pm sure. 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. II 

Penn. Don't mention it. So in I pops and — and here 
we are. {Down L.) There, I've fixed that all right. 

Mrs. p. {do7vn c). Very kind of you, Mr. Penn. Have 
you the picture with you ? 

Penn. Oh, no, my dear. I haven't sat for it yet. 

Mrs. p. Oh, indeed ! 

Penn. No, sweetest, you see I'd only just come in when 
I met you. ( With sitdden suspicion.) But what are you 
doing here ? 

Mrs. p. Oh, I came to have a photograph taken, too. 

Penn. Quite a coincidence. (Aside.) I don't believe 
a word of it, but I can't say so. (Aiond.) Where's your 
photograph ? 

Mrs. p. Oh, I only just came in, also. 

Penn. How very remarkable. (Aside.) She's deceiv- 
ing me. Can she have been at the Pohce Ball, too ? 
(Alond.) Well, now that we are here, suppose we make it 
a group. 

Mrs. P. What — another group ! 

Penn. Oh, yes, ten if you Hke. Hang the expense. 

Mrs. p. Very well, here's your ulster. 

Penn. My coat ! 

Mrs. p. Yes ; it will be better to dress the two groups 
alike. 

Penn. Where did you get my coat, madam ? (Aside^ 
She was at the Police Ball. She's the man who got my 
ulster. 

Mrs. p. Where you left it, monster. 

Penn (aside). She was there. It's all up. (Aloud.) 
Then you know all ? 

Mrs. p. Yes, Mr. Penn ; and permit me to say that you 
must know this house precious well to have got back here so 
quickly. 

Penn. Got back here ? My dear, I was never in this 
room before in my life. 

Mrs. p. Mr, Penn, I'm ashamed of you. Do you know 
where I found this coat ? 

Penn \aside). She knows all. 

Mrs. p. In the entry yonder, where you dropped it in 
your flight with that — that baggage. 

Penn (aside). She does not know all. (Aloud.) What 
baggage ? 

Mrs. p. That woman I saw you embracing in this room 



12 THE BAT AND THE BALL. 

not ten minutes ago. Oh, I knew you — by this coat. (^To 
R., throwing coat on chair. ^ 

Penn {aside). It was that fellow who ran off with my 
ulster. A nice mess he has got me into. 

Mrs. p. And now I find you trying to run away in dis- 
guise. Where did you get that ridiculous garment ? 

Penn {toe). It's all a mistake on your part. Somebody 
left me this coat in exchange for mine at the — {Aside.) No 
that won't do. 

Mrs. p. Well ? 

Penn. At the office. The chap who lives here — {Aside.) 
I wonder who the deuce does hve here. 

(Film enters 2 e. r. z>/ dressing-gown and slippers ^ with 
towel round his head?) 

Film (c). Ah, here you are, ma'am. Now I'd like to 
know what you mean by running about my house, asking for 
strange men. Professionally the public may use me as they 
hke, but as a private citizen I protest — Hallo ! You, sir — 
that's my coat you have on. 

Penn (c). You hear, Mrs. Penn? This is his coat. 
{Shakes Film's hand.) Thank you, sir. 

Film. What do you mean by wearing about my coat and 
hat, sir ? 

Penn {whispers to him inandibly). 

Film. So you are the chap whose things I got by mistake 
at the — 

Penn {in a whisper). Don't say where. That's my 
wife. 

Film {with a sudden recollection ^Mrs. F. Same tone). 
You're right. {Shaking his ha7id.) Thank you, sir. Mum's 
the word. 

Penn {whispers). I dare say it's as much for your inter- 
est as mine. 

Film {same). More. You're a devilish good fellow, sir, 
and here's my hand. {Shakes hand.) We must stick by 
one another. 

Mrs. p. (r.). When you have done whispering, Mr. 
Penn, perhaps you will give the gentleman back his coat, 
since it is his. 

Film. Yes, off with it. You are raising the deuce with 
the shape. 

Penn {whispers). Hang it, L can't. 

Film {same tone). Why not ? 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. I3 

Penn. Because I've got on a dress suit underneath, and 
that would give the whole business away. 

Film. You're right. {^Shakes his hand.) Keep it. 

Mrs. p. Well, Mr. Penn, are you going to give the gen- 
tleman his coat "i 

Penn. The gentleman is in no hurry for it, my dear. 

Film. No, ma'am. No hurry at all, ma'am. I rather 
like to see him in it. {Aside.) We must stick together in 
this business. 

Penn {grasping his hand). Like the Siamese twins. 

Mrs. p. I don't know what you are whispering about, 
Mr. Penn, but I don't believe a word of all this nonsense 
about exchanging coats. I saw you in this very room, not 
ten minutes ago, wearing your own ulster, and holding a lady 
round the waist. (Film laughs hea?-tily and nudges Penn.) 

Penn. My dear, there is some dreadful mistake. {Aside 
to Film.) Don't act like a fool, sir. It was you she saw in 
my coat. Come, own up. 

Film {whispers). It was not I. 

Penn {same voice). I thought we were to stick together. 

Film {sa^ne tone). Hang it, you can't expect me to 
father all your Don Juanning. I'm a married man myself. 

Penn. I don't know anything about that, sir. You ran 
off with my coat, and I hold you responsible for all that my 
coat has done since it has been in your possession, sir. 

Film. Pooh, pooh, sir. 

Penn. And I want you to understand, sir, that my coat 
is a respectable garment, sir, and not given to hugging 
strange women, as my wife saw it do, unless unduly influ- 
enced by its wearer, sir. 

Film. Go to the devil, sir. 

(Penn goes r. and explains to Mrs. P. in pantomime. 
Etiter GiRLYGiRL, I E. L. with photographic plate in hand.) 

GiRLY. Here's your negative, ma'am. {To c, Film to l.) 

Mrs. p. {coming to c). Oh, let me see, 

GiRLY. But there are two figures in it. I guess you 
must have moved. 

Mrs. p. {takes plate). Yes, I did move. 

GiRLY. Never mind, I'll give you another sitting. 

Mrs. p. Certainly not. {Exa?nining plate.) This is 
just what I want. 

GiRLY. Why, it isn't you at all, ma'am. It's a man mak- 
ing love to — {Aside.) Oh, Lord! {Aloud.) There's 



14 THE BAT AND THE BALL. * 

some mistake. It ain't your picture. (Aside.) Now, I re- 
member^ I never once looked at the sitter. I was about half 
asleep. (A/oud.) If you will please give it back to me, I'll — 

Mrs. p. Certainly not. 

GiRLY. Oh, won't there be a row ! 

Film {wko has crossed to R. during the above, aside to 
Penn). I say, it's no use. She's got a picture of you mak- 
ing love to somebody. 

Penn {same tone). A picture of you, you mean. Come, 
own up. 

Mrs. P. I don't know the woman's face. No doubt it is 
your Miss Montmorency. 

Film. Miss Montmorency ! {Slaps Penn on the back.) 
The pretty little actress ! Oh, you sly dog ! 

Penn. If you keep this up much longer, sir, the sly dog 
will bite. 

Mrs. p. Yes, Mr. Penn, I know all about her and your 
appointment at nine o'clock. You deceitful wretch ! 

Penn {low to Film). It was you she had the appoint- 
ment with. 

Film {low). Yes ; but you kept it. 

Mrs. p. The man's face is turned away, so that I can't 
see it. 

Film. Oh, that's a pity. {Laughs.) You're a sly one. 

Penn. Hang it ! {Low to Film.) Why didn't you have 
the honesty to show your face like a man ? 

GiRLY. The gentleman seems to be kissing the lady, 
ma'am. 

Mrs. p. No doubt of it. {Glares at Penn.) 

Film. Kissing Miss Montmorency ! Beautiful! George, 
be careful of that plate. I'll sell a hundred thousand copies 
of that picture. 

Mrs. p. You'll do no such thing, sir. {To L.) 

GiRLY. {takes plate hesitatitigly). But it isn't Miss 
Montmorency. 

Film {crossing to c. and taking plate). Why, who is it, 
then t Another one ? Oh, you Don Juan. Why, damme, 
it's — oh, you infernal scoundrel, do you know whom you 
have been hugging and kissing here under my very coof .? It's 
my wife, sir. Yes, ma'am, my wife. This is nice goings-on, 
ain't it ? 

Mrs. p. (l.). Do you hear that, Mr. Penn? This in- 
jured gentleman's only wife. 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. 1 5 

Penn (r.). I don't care if it is this injured gentleman's 
grandmother. His behavior toward his female relatives is 
his own affair. 

Mrs. p. But your behavior toward them is my affair, Mr. 
Penn. 

Penn. But I've got nothing to do with it. I never saw 
his confounded wife. {To Girlygirl.) This gentleman, 
who took the picture, will tell you that he never saw me be- 
fore in his life. 

GiRLY. To be sure I will. 

Penn. There, you hear ? 

GiRLY. Because I didn't look. 

Penn. Didn't look .? 

GiRLY. No, sir, I'm not feeling very well this morning, 
and I didn't pay particular attention. I left this lady in the 
chair — 

Film. Nonsense, George Girlygirl ! And, if that is not 
sufficiently explicit, stuff and nonsense ! Is this the way you 
repay my kindness, by standing in with this destroyer of 
happy homes ? George, I blush for you. Business is busi- 
ness, and if you had photographed my venerable grand- 
father in tlie costume of the corps de ballet, in the way of 
business, I could have forgiven you. But to tell me this 
whopper — 

GiRLY. Did you say whopper, Mr. Film ? 

Film. I not only said whopper, but I meant whopper, 
George. Tell me that you were temporarily insane, or a 
minor, or any other fiction, and the lie will be respected in 
proportion to its ingenuity ; but don't give me thaL 

GiRLY. You shall apologize to me for this, Mr. Film. I 
am bound to respect you, because you have got more money 
than I have ; but have a care, sir, have a care. If you rouse 
me I may do you an injury. 

Film. An injury, sir ? 

GiRLY. Yes, sir; an injury, sir. 
^ Film. Pooh, pooh, sir. I'm not afraid of you, sir. 

Girly. We shall see, sir. {Exit 2 E. r.) 

Penn. The young man is quite right. I never saw him 
before in my life. 

Mrs. p. {to c). Don't deny it before such evidence. 
{Points to plate in Film's hand!) 

Film. No, sir, don't deny it. 

Mrs. p. Your ulster gives you away. 



l6 THE BAT AND THE BALL. * 

Penn. I wish I had given the ulster away first. {Crosses 
to L.) 

Mrs. p. You thought you were unobserved, but the eye 
of science was upon you. {Points to camera.) 

Film. Yes, sir. And the fist of science will be upon 
you presently, also. 

Mrs. p. Do not quarrel with him ; he is not worth it. 

Film. I will not quarrel with you ; you are not worth it. 
Leave my house, sir. 

Penn. I'll leave your house with pleasure, but I'll not 
leave my wife. 

Mrs. p. I am no longer your wife. 

Penn. Oh, ain't you .? We'll see about that. {Going^ 
You shall hear from me, sir. 

Film. Whenever you hke, sir. 

{Exit Penn d. in f.) 

Mrs. p. I'll have a divorce. 

Film. So will I. If you don't mind we'll lump the jobs 
and get 'em done cheaper. 

Mrs. p. How thoughtful ! Oh, if Heaven had only sent 
me a kind, sympathetic soul like you, instead of that mon- 
ster. {Sobs on his shoulder.) 

Film {aside). This is prime. {Aloud.) Don't take on 
so, ma'am ; he ain't worth it. 

(Mrs. Film enters R. 2 e.) 

Film. My wife! {To Mrs. P.J I say, you mustn't do 
that, you know. 

Mrs. p. Oh, yes, I must. It's such a comfort. 

Mrs. F. {down c). Oh, it is, is it ? 

Mrs. p. (l.). Who's this ? 

Film (l. c). My wife. 

Mrs. p. The hussy ! Be firm. 

Film. I will. So, Mrs. Film — 

Mrs. F. So, indeed, you hypocritical monster ! Very fine ! 
Where were you last night, and who is this creature .? 

Film. This lady, ma'am — 

Mrs. F. Is this your sick friend ? You villain ! I know* 
where you were. 

Film. What do you mean, ma'am ? 

Mrs. F. You were at the Police Ball, and this, I suppose, 
is your companion. 

Mrs!'p. [ Companion, ma'am ? 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. 1/ 

Mrs. F. And, not content with that, you bring her here 
under your own wife's roof. I'm ashamed of you. 

Mrs. p. Will you stand by and hear me insulted, sir ? 

Film. I can't help it ; I'm not deaf 

Mrs. p. Assert your rights. Remember the photograph. 

Film. Very true, ma'am. 

Mrs. p. When a man's hearthstone becomes the abode 
of a serpent, there is no reason why he shouldn't seek enjoy- 
ment elsewhere. 

Film. Certainly not, ma'am. 

Mrs. F. Oh, Caddy, how could you do it ? 

Film. Don't Caddy me, ma'am. 

Mrs, p. No, don't Caddy him. 

Mrs. F. Collodion Film, who is this woman ? 

Penn (e)itering d. m f.). I say, you, sir. If you have 
no objections, I'd like my hat and coat. {Down r. to chair.) 

Mrs. F. And who is this man wearing your coat ? 

Film. She asks who he is ! Oh, the deceitfulness of 
woman ! 

Mrs. p. The brazen hussy ! 

Film. Perhaps youUl say you never saw this man before. 

Mrs. F. Certainly not. 

Film. Oh, very good. {To Mrs. P.) You see, ma'am. 

Mrs. P. The impudence of her ! (7i7PENN.) You don't 
seem to recognize your friend. 

Penn. How should I, when I never saw her before in my 
life ! 

Mrs. p. {To Film.) You hear that, sir. You poor, de- 
ceived man ! 

Film. {To Mrs. P.) I do, ma'am. You poor, forsaken 
woman ! 

Mrs. F. What does all this mean ? I demand an expla- 
nation. 

Film. What does this mean ? Miserable woman ! 
{Showing plate.) Is that your picture ? 

Mrs. F. {looking at it). Why, yes ; didn't it take nicely ? 

Film. I must admit, as an expert, that it did. 

Mrs. F. Oh, it was such fun ! 

Film. Fun ! 

Mrs. p. She has the audacity to call it fun ! What have 
you got to say about it, Mr. Penn ? 

Mrs. F. Why, Caddy, we only did it in sport. I didn't 
think you'd mind a little thing Uke that. 



1 8 THE BAT AND THE BALL. 

Film. Little ! 

Mrs. p. She calls it a little thing like that. 

Film. Little thing, madam ! Is it a little thing to be 
photographed sitting on the knee of this gentleman ? 

Mrs. F. {indig7ia7itly). I never did any such thing. 

Penn. Certainly not, ma'am. 

Film. She denies it ! 

Mrs, p. The brazen creature denies her own likeness ! 

Mrs. F. I do not. 

Film. She admits it ! 

Mrs. p. And the man — 

Penn. And the man — 

Mrs. F. Isn't a man at all. 

{Ente?- 2 E. R. Girlygirl a?td Miss Gunne-Cotton.) 

Penn. You hear, Mrs. Penn ! 

Film {To Penn). I suspected it all along. 

Miss G. C. (C). I was the man, Mr. Film. 

Mrs. p. She was the man ! {Takes plate fro?n Film and 
looks at it.) 

Film. The man was a woman ! {Also looks at plate.) 

Miss G. C. It was only a joke. Oh, it was too funny. 
George never looked to see whom he was taking. 

Mrs. p. {goes r., leaving plate on ca?nera). Steele Penn, 
forgive me. 

Penn. You don't deserve it, love, but I will. 

Mrs. p. Was his popsy a nasty, bad, suspicious old 
thing 1 

Penn. His popsy was. ( They embrace.) 

Film (l.). Mrs. Film, I forgive you. Come to my arms. 

Mrs. F. (r. c). Very fine, Mr. Film, but I don't forgive 
you, and I don't want your arms. 

Film {aside). She don't want 'em. She's mad. I won- 
der how she found out about the ball. , 

Mrs. p. {suddenly). But the ulster ? 

Miss G. C. I found it in the hall — 

Penn. Where Film left it on his return home from — 
{Stops suddenly.) 

Mrs. p. {pushing him away from her). The Police Ball ! 
-Film. Where 1 exchanged coats with Penn by mistake. 
And, by tl\e way, that reminds me, Penn — I want my coat. 

Penn {to l.). Your coat, Film ? 

Film. Yes, Penn, my coat. There's yours. 

Penn {low). But I can't take it off before my wife. 



THE BAT AND THE BALL. I9 

Film. I'll help you. 

Penn {low). I thought we were going to stick together 
in this thing. 

Film. So we are. I'm down, and you shall come down 
with me. Come, off with it. 

Penn. Oh, if you will have it, here goes. {Takes off 
coat, exposino^ dress suit.) 

Mrs. p. Steele Penn, where have you been ? 

Penn. At the Police Ball. 

Mrs. F. Yes, ma'am, with that wretch of a husband of 
mine. Oh, I see it all now. You poor deceived thing ! 

Mrs. p. They're all alike — a bad, deceitful lot. 

Mrs. F. But don't cry, dear. {Embracing her.) We'll 
have a divorce. 

Mrs. p. So we will. 

Mrs. F. {to Miss G. C). Let our example be a warning 
to you, Fannie. 

Miss G. C. (c. with Girlygirl, taking his arm). Oh, 
I can trust George, thank you. He wasn't at the Police 
Ball. 

{Enter Chump, d. in F., carrying Girlygirl's hat and 
coat.) 

Chump. I beg pahdon, ladies and gemmun. Does Missa 
Gollygol live heah ? 

GiRLY. {aside). Oh, Lord ! The man from the coat-room ! 
{Aloud.) No, he don't. I mean — I'm not the man you 
want. 

Chump. Don' know 'bout dat, sah, but dis yere coat 
b'longs ter Missa Gawge Gollygol. {Reading card.) I foun' 
dis yeah in de pocket. 

GiRLY. {going tip). I'll see you outside, and — 

Film. No, you won't. I know that man. He had charge 
of the coat-room at the Police Ball. 

Miss G. C. {to Chump). Wait a minute. I know this 
coat. Do I understand that this was left at the Policeman's 
Ball ? 

Chump. Yes, missy, an' I done toted it heah, jes' ter 
'blige de gemmun. 

Miss G. C. {to Girly). Oh, you bad, deceitful wretch ! 
I'll never speak to you again. {Joins her lamentations to 
those of the other ladies., r.) ji 

Mrs. F. I told you so, Fannie. 

Mrs. p. They're all alike. 



20 THE BAT AND THE BALL. 

Chump {offering coat) . I beg pahdon, sah, Heah's yo' 
coat. 

Film. George, give the boy something, won't you .'' He's 
gone out of his way to do you a favor. 

(GiRLY. takes coat angrily and kicks Chump out of D. in 
F., then down L.) 

Penn {to Film a7id Girlygirl, l., aside). Well, gentle- 
men, there is only one way out of this. Will you place your- 
selves in my hands ? 

Both. Yes. 

Penn. Very well. {To ladies?) Ladies, we have offended 
you, perhaps justly, by our Httle night out, but there's no real 
harm done, and we are willing to do the square thing by way 
of apology. {TJie ladies all sniff indignafitly.) We have 
talked the whole matter over and have decided to pay a fine 
of a sealskin sack apiece to you — {Film and Girlygirl 
pull his coat-tails i7i ang7iish.) How does that strike you ? 

The Ladies {together). A sealskin sack ! 

Penn {low). Say yes ; it's your only chance. 

The Men [in doleftil chorus). Yes ! 

(Mrs. F., Mrs. p., a7id Miss G. ^. go respectively to Mr. 
F. (r.), Mr. p. (c), a7id Girlygirl (l.). and form tab- 
leaux.) 

Mrs. F. And you''ll never do it again — 

Miss G. C. You'll never deceive me again, George ? 

Penn {over Mrs. Penn's shoulder). They come high, 
but we must have 'em. 



CURTAIN. 



LIST OF PLAYS. 



ARRANGED BY NUMBER OF CHARACTERS, MALE AND FEMALE. 

I.'URTHER PARTICULARS IN REGULAR LIST. 

PRICE GIVEN AFTER EACH PLAY. 

Where a play is known under two titles, both are given as separate plays^ in 

this list only. 

Two Characters. — One Male, one Female. 

An Original Idea . . 15 

Three Characters. — Two Males, One Female. 

Box and Cox .... 15 I Mary Moo 15 1 Silent Woman . 

Unprotected Female . 15 | 

One Male, Two Females. 

Apples 15 I Two Flats and a Sharp 15 | Which will Have Him? 15 

Four Characters. — Two Males, Two Females. 



19 

Which Shall I Marry? 15 



Bouquet 15 I Census Taker 



Give a Dog, etc. 
Match Makers . 
Personal Matter 



Mr. JoflBn's Latchkey 
None so Deaf as those 
who Won't Hear . 



Fairy's Father ... 15 
Madam is Abed ... 15 

Putkins 15 

Zerubabel'sSecondWife 15 



Bombastes Furioso 



15 

Three Males, One Female. 
15 I The Tempter .... 15 | Sailor's Return 



15 



Five Characters. — Three Males, Two Females. 



Anonymous Kiss . 
Cousin Tom . . . 
Done on Both Sides 
Sylvia's Soldier . . 
Ugly Customer . . 
Blue and Cherry . 


. 15 
. 15 
15 
. 15 
. 15 
. 15 

1 


Doubtful Victory • . 15 
My Son Diana . . 15 
Two Buzzards ... 15 
Appearances are De- 
ceitful 15 

Don't Judge by Ap- 
pearances .... 15 

rwo Males, Three Females 


Under a Veil. ... 15 
Nature and Philosophy 15 
To Oblige Benson . . 15 
Welsh Girl .... 15 
The Youth who Never 
Saw a Woman . . 15 


ICiSB in the Dark . 


. 15 


My Husband's Secret 15 
Phantom Breakfast . 15 

Four Males, One Female. 


Poor PilUcoddy . . . 19 


Only » Clod . , -. 


. 15 


Two Heads are Better 
than One .... 15 


Trumpeter's Daughter 15 



Atmt Charlotte's Maid 
Always Intended . . 



Six Characters.— One Male, Five Females. 
The Only Young Man in Town 30 

Three Males, Three Females. 
15 I My Sister's Husband . 15 



15 



Dandelion's Dodges . 
Drop Too Much . . 
From Information I Re- 
ceived 

I've Written to Brown 



Advice to Husbands 



filixa Carisbrooke, etc. 



Never Say Die ... 15 

Your Life's in Danger 15 

Four Males, Two Females. 

John Wopps .... 15 

Nursey Chickweed . 15 

Needless Stratagem (A) 15 

Once on a Time ... 15 

Slice of Luck (A) . . 15 

Sullivan, The Slugger 15 

Five Males, One Female. 

15 1 I 

Two Males, Four Females. 

15 j How the Colonel Pro- I 

) posed 15 1 

35, neio. 



Sarah's Young Man 
Two Puddifoots . 



Sunshine through the 
Clouds 15 

Soldier, Sailor, Tinker, 
and Tailor .... 15 

We're All Teetotallers 15 



Diamond Cut Diamond 15 
Jane's Legacy • • • 18 



Seven Characters. —Four Males, Three Females 



Boston Dip .... 


15 


Comrades ..... 


25 


Bowled Out .... 


15 


Don's Stratagem . . 


15 


Bit of Brummagem . 


15 


My Turn Next . . . 


15 


Brother Bill and Me . 


15 


Mysterious Disappear- 




Class Day 


25 


ance 


lb 






Poison 


25 



Peace and Quiet . . 15 
Smashington Goit . . 15 
Silverston's Wager . 15 
Thirty jNIinutes for Re- 
freshments .... 15 



Three Males, Four Females. 

Cool Collegians (The) ... 25 | Pretty Piece of Property . 15 

Six Males, One Female. 

Family Failing ... 15 | Look After Brown . 15 | Turkish Bath ... 15 

Five Males, Two Females. 



Dora 15 

Free Ward (The) . . 15 



John Dobbs . . 
Old Honesty . . 
Poor Peter . . 



Slasher and Crasher 
Seeing the Elephant 



Eight Characters. —Four Males, Four Females. 

Crinoline 15 I Christmas Box ... 15 I My Precious Betsy 

I Our INIutual Friend . 25 | 
Six INIales, Two Females. 
15 I Fighting by Proxy . 15 I 
15 I Love's Labor Saved . 15 | 
Five Males, Three Females, 
15 i Husband to Order . . 15 
15 1 John Smith .... 15 
15 } Last Loaf (The) ... 15 
I Little Brown Jug (The) 15 
Seven INIales, One Female. 
Payable on Demand . 15 | Sea of Troubles . . . 15 
Nine Characters. — Six Males, Three Females. 



Blanks and Prizes . . 
Daughter of Regiment 

Bread on the Waters . 
FloAver of the Family 
His Last Legs . .' . 



True Unto Death 
Uncle Robert 



Little More Cider . , 
My Brother's Keeper , 
Nicholas Flam , , 



Another Glass . 
Down by the Sea 



Dunducketty's Picnic 15 
Hit Him, He has no 
Friends 15 



Midnight Banquet < 
On and Off . . . 



15 



Five Male, Four Females. 

25 I Queen's Heart (The) . 15 | Race for a Widow . . 15 

Two IVTales, Seven Females. 

Thorn among the Roses 15 

Ten Characters. — Six Males, Four Females. 

Among the Breakers . 15 I Damon and Pythias . 15 1 Lying will Out ... 15 

15 Game of Dommos . . 15 Mrs. Walthrop's Bach- 

15 I Lost in London ... 15 | elors 25 

Seven Males, Three Females. 



B«tter than Gold 



Bull in a China Shop 
Duchess of Dublin 



Coupon Bonds . 
Enlisted for War 
Ella Rosenberg . 



Flowing Bowl (The) 
Home Guard (The) 



Miller and his Men . 15 
Paddle your Own Canoe 15 
Shaker Lovers ... 15 



Five Males, Five Females. 
Both Alike .... 15 I Cleft Stick (The) . . 15 I Lords of Creation 
I Old and Young ... 15 | 
Eleven Characters.— Six Males, Five Females. 



Babie 25 

Giralda 15 



The Miller's Wife . , 15 I The " Tomboy" 

Our Folks 15 I 

Eight Males, Three Females. 
Lost Mine (The) . . 25 I "Nevada" .... 25 I Our Boys of 1776 
I One Hundred Years Ago 15 | 
Seven Males, Fear Females. Five Males, Six Females- 

A.V>T« the Clouds 15 | The Christening . , ^ , • . 

Nine Males, Two Females. 

Don Csesar de Baxan . 15 

26. 7i*w, 



15 



19 



Twelve Characters. — Nine Males, Three Females. 

Ticket of Leave Man 15 ] Wife's Secret (The) .... * 

Ten Males, Two Females. Eight Males, Four Females. 

Gaspardo, the Gondolier .... 15 | Fool's Revenge (The) 

Over Twelve Characters. 



19 



Ifi 



Aladdin 15 

Babes in the Woods . 15 

Captain Kyd .... 15 

Clari 15 

Dumb Girl of Portici . 15 

East Lynne .... 15 

Forced to the War . 25 

Hero of Scotland . . 15 

Hunchback (The) . . 15 

Hamlet 15 

Hidden Hand ... 15 



Jeweller's Apprentice 15 

Lady of Lyons ... 15 

Lady of the Lake . . 15 

Monseigneur .... 15 

Maid oi Milan ... 15 

Masauiello .... 15 

Naaman, the Syrian . 25 

Octoroon (The) ... 25 

Poor Gentleman . . 15 

Past Redemption . . 25 

The Stranger .... 16 
Male Characters Only 
Number of Characters given instead of price, loliich is uniformly 15 cents each 



Scarlet Letter ... 15 

School for Scandal . 15 

StolenWill (The) . . 25 

Golden Buttertiy (The) 25 

Tavo Orphans (The) . 25 

Virginia Veteran . . 25 

Wallace 15 

Zelina 15 

Blue and Gray, or Star 

of Empire .... 30 



Coals of Fire .... 
Close Shave .... 
Freedom of the Press . 
Gentlemen of the Jury 12 



32 



Great Umbrella Case 
Great Elixir . . . , 
Humors of the Strike 
Hypochondriac (The) 



15 cents each, except Rebecca: 
Aunt Mehitable's Sci- 
entific Experiment . 6 
Champion of Her Sex 8 
Dog that will Fetch, &c. 6 
Eliza's Bonafide Offer 4 



Stand by the Flag . . 5 
Shall Our Mothers Vote 11 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix 2 
Too Late for the Train 2 
Thief of Time (The) . 6 
Tender Attachment . 'l 
Very Pleasant Evening 3 
Wanted, a Male Cook A. 



Man with the Demijohn 4 

My Uncle the Captain 6 

New Brooms Sweep 
Clean 6 

Public Benefactor . . 6 

Pedlar of Verynice . 7 

Rival Poets ' , . . . 2 

Runaways 4 

Ready-made Suit . . 35 
Female Characters Only, 

Triumph, vihich is 25 cents. 

Greatest Plague in Life 8 

The Grecian Bend . . 7 

Love of a Bonnet . . 6 

No Cure, No Pay . . 7 

Precious Pickle ... 7 

Musical and Other Plays for Children. 

Male and Female Characters. 



Red Chignon 
Rebecca's Triumph 
Tipsy Pudding . . 
LTsing the Weed 
Voyage of Life . . 



le 



Accelerate — operatic 

charade 15 

Bachelor's Christmas 25 

Bunch of Buttercups 15 

Christmas Carol . . 15 

Centennial— charade . 15 
Conj viration— operatic 

charade 15 



15 



Merry Christmas . . 15 
R. E. Porter .... 75 
Santa Claus Frolics . 15 
Santa Claus First . . 35 
Santa Claus at Home . 20 
Seven Ages— Tableaux 



ent. 
Titania 



Lightheart's Pilgrim- 



I College Ned— operetta 
Dorothy's Birthday- 
operetta ..... 25 
Diamonds and Toads- 
operetta 15 

Fairy of Fountain . . 25 

Holidays 15 

Hunt the Thimble . 50 

I Lost Children ... 15 

Musical Allegories for Female Characters Only. 

Revolt of the Bees . . 15 I Vision of Freedom 
Tournament of Idyl- War of Roses , 

I court 15 I 

The Pilgrim's Choice, for Male and Females. 
Musical and Other Entertainments for Adults. 



15 



Anastasia, operetta 

Anonymous, shadow pantomime . . 
Arabella and Lionel, pantomime . 
A. Ward's Wax Figger Show . . . 
Bon Bons, musical and dramatic 

entertainment 

Capuletta, operatic burlesque . . 
Cinderella, shadow pantomime . . 
Drink, shadow pantomime . . . . 



27, neto. 



Driggs and His Double, shadow pan- 
tomime 25 

H. IM. S. Pinafore, opera .... 15 

In Pawn, shadow pantomime ... 26 

Jenny Lind, operetta 15 

Sculptor's Triumph, tableau enc. . 15 
Snow Bound, musical and dramatic 

entertainment 25 

Orpheus, shadow pantomime . . 21 



Grand Dickens Cosmorama, 

Comprising several unique entertainments, capable of 
being used separately or in combination. For school, 
home, and hall. 

By GEORGE B. BARTLETT. 
Paper, 2j cents. 



DICKENS'S READINGS. 

(Selected by Himself.) Expressly prepared for the Use of Schools, 
Keadiug Clubs, and Public Readers, and for Classes in Transla^ 
tion. Each Reading in neat paper covers, 15 cents. 

A CHRISTMAS CAROL, in four staves, as read in America. 

BARDELL AND PICKWICK. Containing the remarkable Speech of Ser. 
geant Buzfuz, the Testament of Sam Weller, and the Perplexities of the Littl« 
Judge. 

DAVID COPPERFIELD. Condensed by the author to embrace the story of 
Little Emily, the villany of Uriah Heep, and the eccentricities of Micawber. 

MR. BOB SAWYER'S PARTY. One of the best creations of the great 
master of fiction. 

LITTLE DOM BEY. From the well-known novel of Dombey and Son, intro- 
ducing some of the best characters. 

NICHOLAS NICKLEBY. (.Long Reading. In the Yorkshire school.) In- 
troducing Mr. and Mrs. Squeers, Nicholas, Newman, Noggs, and Smike, with 
the stirring scenes in the school-room. 

N I C H O LAS N I C K L E B Y . {Short Reading, Introducing many favorite char- 
acters and scenes in this great noveU 

BOOTS AT THE HOLLY TREE INN. This htsmorous sketch wat 

always a great favorite with Mr. Dickens's audiences* 

DR. MARIGOLD. This is a story complete in itself, and one of the most enter- 
taining of the shorter sketches* 

MRS. CAMP. This sketch introduces Sairy Gamp, Mrs. Prig, and ^^tnvisibU 
friend of the former, "Mrs. Harris." 

DICKENS'S READINGS. Complete in i vol. i6mo. Clotk. CoDtainmg 
the above. Handsomely illustrated. Price, f 1.50. 



THE LAST MAN ; OR, The Miser OF Elthan Green, A Drama in Two Acls. 
By Geo. DiBDiN Pitt. Eleven male, three female characters. Scenery, interiors 
and exteriors. Costumes, time of George the Second. Time in representation, 
one hour and a half. 

A LUCKY HIT. A Petit Comedy in One Act. By H award Paul. Three male, 
one female characters. Scene, elegant apartment. Costumes, square-cut coats, 
wigs, etc. Time in representation, forty-five minutes. 

THE MIDNIGHT BANQUET; or. The Castle of Cabaldo. Melodrama 
in Two Acts. Six male, three female characters. Costumes, bandits, etc. Seen, 
ery easy. Time in representation, one hour and forty m.nutes. 

THE'MILLER AND HIS MEN. A Melodrama in Two Acts. By L. Po- 
COCK. Seven male, three female speaking characters. Robbers, millers' men, anc. 
hussars. Scenery, very elaborate; costumes, ditto. This is one of the best pieces 
of its class ever produced. Time in representation, one hour and a half. 

MY SON DIANA. A Farce in One Act, By A. Harris. Three male, two 
female characters. Scene, interior. Costumes modern. Time in representation, 
forty minutes. 

NATURE AND PHILOSOPHY; or. The Youth who never saw a 
Woman. A Farce in One Act. Ihree male (one usually performed by a woman), 
two female characters. Scenes, wood and garden. Costumes, shape and tights. 
Time in representation, fifty minutes. 

OLD AND YOUNG; or, Both Alike. A Comedy in Two Acts. By John 
Salmon. Five male, five female characters. Scenery, interiors. Costumes of 
1750. An easy, effective piece. Time in representation, one hour and a quarter. 

ELIZABETH CARISBROOKE WITH A " P." A Parlor Play in 
Three Acts. Two male, four female characters. A very amusing piece. 

POOR PETER. A Farce in One Act. Five male, two female characters. Lead- 
ing lady part, a ballet-girl, with dance if desired. 

MY SISTER'S HUSBAND. A Drawing-room Piece in Two Scenes. Three 
male, three female characters. 

THE REVIEW. A Musical Farce in Two Acts. By George Coleman. Eight 
male, four female characters. Time in representation, about one hour. 

THE SHAKER LOVERS. A Drama in One Act. By S. D.Johnson. Seven 
male, three female characters. Scenes, landscapes and woods. Costumes modern. 
Time in representation, thirty minutes, 

THE TRUMPETER'S DAUGHTER. A Farce in One Act, By J. Ster- 
ling Coyne. Four male, one female characters. Scene, artist's studio. Cos- 
tumes, square-cut coats, breeches, etc. Time in representation, forty minutes. 

WALLACE: The Hero of Scotland. An Historical Drama in Three Acts. 
Appropriate costumes. Time in representation, about two hours, 

ZELINA; or. The Triumph of the Greeks. A Warlike Grecian Drama in Three 
Acts. By C, A. Somerset. Eleven male, two female characters, soldiers, etc. 
Scenery elaborate. Costumes, Grecian and Turkish. Two splendid Yankee and 
Irish sailor parts. Time in representation, one hour and fifty minutes. 

N A AM AN THE SYRIAN. A Drama in Four Acts. By Rev. James Boxer. 
Ten male, seven female characters. A Scriptural play, adapted for church repre- 
sentation. 

THE REGISTER. A Comedy in One Act. By W. D. Howells. Two male, 
two female characters. Price, 25 cents. 



SELECTED LIST OF STANDARD PLAYS. 

Price, 15 Cents each. 



THE ADOPTED CHI LD. A Musical Drama in Two Acts. By Samuel Brncn, 
Esq. Seven male, four female characters. Scenes, exteriors and interiors. Cos- 
tumes : doublets, trunks, etc. This is a very effective play, the principal char- 
acter being an "old salt." Time in representation, one hour fifteen minutes. 

ADVICE TO HUSBANDS. A Comedietta in One Act. By C. S. Lancasi^k. 
Five male, one female characters. Scene, landscape. Costume modern. Time 
in representation, forty minutes. 

ALADDIN ; or, The Wonderful Lamp. A Drama in Three Acts. Ten male, 
six female characters. Aladdin usually assumed by a lady. Costumes >f tb« 
fairy and burlesque type. Scenery of the well-known fairy tale. 

CENTENNIAL. A Charade in Three Acts. Seven ladies and six gentlemen. 
Scene, interior of a country grocery store. Very easy to get up. 

CAPTAIN KYD; or, The Wizard of the Sea. A Drama in Four Acts. By 
J. S. Jones. Fourteen male, five female characters. .Scenery difficult. Cos- 
tumes of 1694-1699. Time in representation, about two hours. 

CRINOLINE. A Farce in One Act. By Robert Brough. Four male, four 
female characters. Scene, interior. Costumes, English modern. Time in repre- 
sentation, forty-eight minutes. 

THE FREE WARD. A Farce in One Act. Six male, two female characters. 
Scene, hospital office. Irish and Dutch characters. Time in representation, forty 
minutes. This piece makes a very effective dialect reading. 

THE DON'S STRATAGEM. A Parlor Play in Three Scenes. Four male, 
three female cliaractcrs. Has Scotch dialect parts. 

^LLA ROSENBERG. A Melodrama in Two Acts. By James Kennev. Seven 
male, three female characters. Scenery, elaborate. Costumes: Huzzar dress, 
trunks, tights, etc. Time in representation, about two hours. 

A FAMILY FAILING. A Farce in One Act. By John Oxenford. Six male, 
one female character. Scene, elegant interior; time of Charles II. Costumes of 
that period. Time in representation, one hour. 

A PRETTY PIECE OF PROPERTY. A Farce. Two male, four female 
characters. A very easy parlor piece. 

FIGHTING BY PROXY. A Burletta in One Act. By James Kenney. Six 
male, two female characters. Scene, interior. Costumes modern, if desired. A 
fine piece. Time in representation, one hour. 

THE GROTTO NYMPH; or, Fairy Favor. A Fantastic Musical Morceau 
of absurdity in One Act. By A Wallace Thaxter. Three male, seven female 
characters. Costumes, fairies and princes of the burlesque school. Scenes, fairy 
lakes, etc. Time in representation, one hour. 

CIRALDA : or, The Miller's Wife. A Comic Drama in Three Acts. By Ben- 
jamin Webster. Six male, five female characters. Scenes, exterior and in- 
terior, numerous and important. Costumes, trunks, shapes, etc. Time in repre- 
sentation, one hour and fifty minutes. 

THE LADY OF THE LAI<.e. A Melodramatic Romance in Two Acts. By 
Thomas Dibdin, from Sir Walter Scott's poem. Thirteen male, three female 
characters, and a number of supernumeraries. Scenery, elaborate. Costumes. 
Highlanders, etc Time in representation, about two hours. A good play to tak« 
selections from. 



GEORGE M. BAKER'S PLAYS. 

Price 15 cents, unless otherwise stated. 



ASOVE THE CLOUDS. Drama in two 

acts 7 males, 4 females. 
AMONG THE BREAKERS. Drama in 

two acts. 6 males, 4 females. 
BETTER THAN GOLD. Drama in four 

acts. 5 males, 4 females. 25 CentS. 

B0N-B0X7S. Musical entertainment. 3 males, 

I female. 25 CentS. 

BOSTON DIP, THE. Comedietta in one 

act. 4 males, 3 females. 
BREAD ON THE WATERS. Drama in 

two acts. 5 males, 3 females. 
CAPULETTA. Burlesque in two parts. 3 

males, i female. 

CHAMPION OF HER SEX, THE. Farce 

in one act. 8 females. 

CHRISTMAS CAROL, A. Christmas en- 
tertainment from Dickens. Many char. 

CLOSE SHAVE, A. Farce in one act. 6 
males. 

COALS OF FIRE. Farce in one act. 6 
males. 

COMRADES. Drama in three acts, 4 males, 

3 females. 25 CeutS. 
DOWN BY THE SEA. Drama in two 

acts. 6 males, 3 females. 
DROP TOO MUCH, A. Farce in one act, 

4 males, 2 females. 

DUCHESS OF DUBLIN, THE. Farce in 
one act. 6 males, 4 females. 

ENLISTED FOR THE WAR. Drama in 

three acts. 7 males, 3 females. 

FAIRY OF THE FOUNTAIN, THE. 

Play for children in two acts. 10 char. 25c. 

FLOWER OF. THE FAMILY, THE. 

Comedy-drama in three acts. 5 males, 3 fern. 
FLOWING BOWL, THE. Drama in three 

acts. 7 males, 3 females. 25 CentS. 

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. Farce in 

one act. 8 males. 

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. Farce 

in one act. 12 males. 
GREAT ELIXIR, THE. Farce in one act. 

9 males. 

GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 females. 
GRECIAN BEND, THE. Farce in one 
act. 7 females. 

HUMORS OF THE STRIKE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 males. 
HYPOCHONDRIAC, THE. Farce in one 

act. 5 males. 
LAST LOAF, THE. Drama in two acts. 

5 males, 3 females. 

LIGHTHEART'S PILGRIMAGE. Alle- 
gory for schools. 8 females and chorus, 

LITTLE BROWN JUG, THE. Diama in 
three acts. 5 males, 3 females. 

LITTLE MORE CIDER, A. Farce in one 
act. 5 males, 3 females. 

LOVE OF A BONNET, A. Farce in one 
act 5 females. 

MAN WITH THE DFMIJOHN, THE. 

Barce in one act. 4 males. 
MY BROTHER'S KEEPER. Drama in 

three acts. 5 males, 3 females. 

MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE, A. 

Farce in one act. 4 males. 
MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. Farce in 

one act. 6 males. 
NEVER SAY DIE. Farce in one act, 3 

males, 3 females. 
NEVADA. Drama in three acts. 8 males, 3 

females. 25 centS. 



NEW BROOM SWEEPS CLEAN, A. 

f arce in one act. 6 males. 
NO CURE, NO PAY. Farce in one act. 7 

females. 
ONCE ON A TIME. Drama in tw« acts. 

4 males, 2 females. 

ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. Drama 

in two acts. 8 males, 3 females. 
ORIGINAL IDEA, AN. Dialogue for a 

lady and gentleman. 
OUR FOLKS. Drama in three acts, 6 males, 

5 females. 

PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. Farce 

in one act. 7 males, 3 females, 
PAST REDEMPTION. Drama in four 
acts, 9 males, 4 females. 25 CentS. 

PEDLAR OF VERYNICE, THE. Bur- 

lesque. 7 males. 
PRECIOUS PICKLE, A. Farce in one 

act. 6 females. 
PUBLIC BENEFACTOR, A. Farce in 

one act. 6 males. 
REBECCA'S TRIUMPH. Drama in three 

acts. 16 females. 25 CBIltS. 

RED CHIGNON, THE. Farce in one act, 

6 females. 

REVOLT OF THE BEES, THE. Mu- 

sical allegory. 9 females. 
RUNAWAYS, THE. Farce in one act. 4 

males, 
SANTA CLAUS' FROLICS. Christmas- 

tree entertainment. Many char. 
SCULPTOR'S TRIUMPH, THE. AUe- 

gory. I male, 4 females. 
SEA OF TROUBLES, A. Farce in one 

act. 8 males. 

SEEING THE ELEPHANT. Temper- 

ance farce. 5 males, 2 females. 

SEVEN AGES, THE. Tableau entertain- 
ment. 7 males, 4 females. 

SHALL OUR MOTHERS VOTE? Hu- 
morous debate for 11 boys, 

SNOW BOUND. Musical and dramatic en- 
tertainment, 3 males, 1 fomale. 25 CentS. 

STAND BY THE FLAG. Drama in one 
act. 5 males. 

SILVIA'S SOLDIER. Drama in two acts. 
3 males, 2 females. 

TEMPTER, THE. Drama in one act. 3 
males, 1 female. 

TENDER ATTACHMENT, A. Farce k 
one act. 7 males. 

THIEF OF TIME, THE. Farce in one 
act. 6 males. 

THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESH- 

ments. Farce in one act. 4 males, 3 fern, 
THORN AMONG THE ROSES, A. Com. 

edy in one act. 2 males, 8 females, 
TITANIA. Play for children in two acts. 
Many char, 25 CentS. 

TOO LATE FOR "THE TRAIN. Dialogue 

for 2 males, introducing songs and recitations. 

TOTiRNAMENT OF IDYL WENT, THE. 

Allegory for 13 females. 
VISIONS OF FREEDOM. Allegory for 

16 females. 
USING THE WEED. Farce in one act. 

7 females. 

WANTED, A MALE COOK. Farce in 

one act. 4 males, 
WAR OF TFTf. ROSES. Allegory for 8 

females. 

WE'RE ALL TEETOTALERS. Farce In 
one scene. 4 males, 2 females. 



WALTER H. BAKER, & CO/ (P. o. Box 2846) , Boston, Mas& 



THE UNIVERS 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



I^I^IOE, 15 CE3S] 



ALWAYS INTENDED. A Comedy in 1 

Art. By Horace VVi^aii. 3 male, 3 female char. 

THE ANONIMOUS KISS. A Vaudeville. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

ANOTHER GLASS. A Drama in 1 Act. 

Bv Thomns Morton. 6 male, 3 female char. 

AUNT CHARLOTTE'S MAID. A Farce 

in 1 Act. By J. M. Morton, o unile, 3 female char. 

THE BABES IN THE WOOD. A Comedy 

in 3 Acts. Bv Tom Tavlor. 10 male, 3 female char. 

BLANKS AND PRIZES. A Comedietta 

in 1 Act. By Dexter Smith. 6 male, 2 female char. 

BLUE AND CHERRY. A Comedy in 1 

Act. 3 male, 2 female char. 

"BOUQUET, A Comedietta in 1 Act. By 

J. A. Woodward. 2 male, 2 female char. 

BOWLED OUT. A Farce in 1 Act. By 

H. T. Craven. 4 male, 3 female char. 

BROTHER BILL AND ME. A Farce in 

1 Act. Br W. E. Sutpi-. 4 male, ^ female char. 

A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP. A Comedy 

in 2 Acts. By Charles Matthews. 6 male, 4 female 
char. 

THE CHRISTENING. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By J. B. Buckstone. 5 male, 6 female char. 

THE CLEFT STICK. A Comedy iu 3 Acts. 

6 male, 3 female char. 

COUSIN TOld. A Come;iietta in 1 Act. 

By Geo. Roberts. 3 male, 2 female char. 

DAMON AND PZTHIAS. A Farce. 6 

male, 4 female char. 

DANDELION'S DODGES. A Farce in 1 

Act. By T. J. William'! 4 male. 2 female char. 

THE DAUGHTER OF THE REGIMENT. 

A Drama in 2 Acts. By Edward Fitzball. 6 male, 

2 female char. 

DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND. An Interlude 

in ] Act. Bv W. H. Murrav. 10 male, 1 female. 

DONE ON BOTH SIDES. A Farce in 1 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 2 female char. 

DON'T JUDGE BY APPEARANCES. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By J. M.Morton. 3 male, 2 female. 

DORA. A Pastoral Drama in 3 Acts. By 

Chas. Reade. 5 male, 2 female char. 

A DOUBTFUL VICTORY. A Comedy in 

1 Act. 3 male, 2 female char. 

DUNDUCKETTY'S PICNIC. A Farce in 1 

Act. By T. J. Williams. 6 male, 3 female char. 

EAST LYNNE. A Drama in 5 Acts. 8 

.' male, 7 female char. 

GASPARDO THE GONDOLIER. A Drama 

.a 3 Acts. Bv George Almar. 10 male, 2 female. 

GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME. A Farce. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

THE HIDDEN HAND. A Drama in 5 Acts. 

Bv Uobert Jones. Iti male, 7 female chir. 

HIT HIM, HE HAS NO FRIENDS. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By E. Yates and N. 11. Harrington. 

7 male, 3 female char. 

A HUSBAND TO ORDER. A Serio-comic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 5 male, 3 female char. 

I'VE WRITTEN TO BROWNE. A Farce 

in 1 Act. ByT. J. Williams. 4 male, 3 female char. 

JOHN DOBBS. A Farce in 1 Act. By 

J. M. Morton. 5 male, 2 female char. 

JOHN W0PP3. A Farce in 1 Act. By 

W. E. Smer. 4 male, 2 female char. 

THE LOST CHILDREN. A Musical En- 

tertammont in 5 Acts. By Mrs. Lewis Jervey. 8 
mate, 5 female char., and chorus. 

LOOK AFTER BROWN. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By George 51. Stuart, M.D. 6 male, 1 f( maU char. 

LOST IN LONDON. A Drama in 3 Acts. 

6 male, 4 female char. 




B. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

MARY MOO ; or, Which Shall I Marry? 

A Farce iu 1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 2 male, 1 fem. 

MONSEIGNEUR. A Drama in « Acts. By 

'Phornai* Arch?r. lo male, 3 female char. 

MY PRE CIOUS BETSY. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By J. M. Morton. 4 male, 4 female char. 

MY TURN NEXT. A Farce in 1 Act. By 

T.J Williams. 4 male, 3 female char. 

NICHOLAS FLAM. A Comedy in 2 Acts. 

Bv J. B. Bnckstono. 5 male, 3 female char. 

NONE SO DEAF AS THOSE WHO WON'T 

Hear. A Comedietta in 1 Act. By H. P. Curtis. 2 
male, 2 female char. 

NURSEY CHICK WEED. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 4 male, 2 female char. 

OLD HONESTY. A Comic Drama in 2 

Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 male, 2 female char. 
ONLY A CLOD. A Comic Drama in 1 Act. 

Bv J. P. Simpson. 4 male, 1 female char. 

PAYABLE ON DEMAND. A Domestic 

Drama iu 2 Acts. 7 male, 1 female char. 

THE PHANTOM BREAKFAST. A Farce 

in 1 Act. By Chas. Seiby. 3 male, 2 female char. 

rUTKINS; Heir to Castles in the Air. 

A Comic Drama in 1 Act. By W. R. Emerson. 2 
male, 2 female char. 

TEE QUEEN'S HEART. A Comedy in 3 

Acts. 5male, 4 female cliar. 

A RACE FOR A WIDOW- A Farce in 1 

Act. 3y T. J. Williams. 5 male, 4 female char. 

SARAH'S YOUNG MAN. A Farce in 1 

Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 male, 3 female char 

THE SCARLET LETTER. A Drama in 3 

Acts, b male, 7 female char. 

SILVERSTONE'S WAGER. A Comedi- 
etta in 1 Act. By li. R. Andrews. 4 male, 3 femal*. 

A SLICE OF LUCK. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By J. M. Morton. 4 male, 2 female char. 

SMASHINGTON 60IT. A Farce in l Act 

By T. J. Wi.'liams. 5 male, 3 female char. 

A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A TINKER, 

and a Tailor. A I'arce in 1 Act. 4 male, 2 female. 

SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS. 

A Drama in 1 Act. By Slingsby Lawfence. 3male, 

3 female char. 

TRUE UNTO DEATH. A Drama in 2 Acts. 

Bv J. Sheridan Knowles. 6 male, 2 female char. 

THE TURKISH BATH. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By Montague Williams and F. C.Bumand. 6 male, 
1 female char. 

TWO GENTLEMEN IN A FIX. A Farce 

in 1 Act. Bv W. E. Suter. 2 male char. 

TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE. A 

Farce in 1 Act. Bv Lenox Home. 4 male, 1 female. 

THE TWO PUDDIFOOTS. A Farce in 1 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 

AN UGLY CUSTOMER. A Farce in 1 Act. 

Bv Thomas J. Wil liams. 3 male, 2 female char. 

UNCLE ROBERT. A Comedy in 3 Acts. 

Bv H. P. ( urtis. (J .-nale. 2 female char. 

A VERY PLEASANT EVENING. A Farce 

in 1 Act. Bv W. E. Suter. 3 male char. 

THE WELSH GIRL. A Comedy iu 1 Act. 

Bv Mrs. Planehe. 3 male, 2 female char. 

WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? A Vaude- 

ville. 1 male. 2 female diar. 

THE WIFE'S SECRET. A Play in 5 Acts. 

Bv Geo. \V. Lcvell. 10 male, 2 female chat. 

YOUR LIFE'S IN DANGER. A Farce in 

1 Act. By J. M. Mtrton. 3 male, iJ female char- 



WALTEE H. BAKER & CO., Publishers, Boston, Mass. 

P, O. Box 2846. 



